Death and Immortality in your 30's

One of my favorite movie quotes is, "childhood is over the moment you know you're going to die." It's rather morbid, yes, but I believe it also says a lot about our society's view of aging. (If you can name the movie, I will provide you with a prize... and I really mean it this time.)

Throughout the months of September and October, I have a number of friends celebrating their birthdays. I don't know for sure how many, because I lost count at 5. Some of those friends are still in their twenties (like her, and her), but others like myself, are not... anymore.

The conversation is always the same. You know how it begins - "So, how OLD are you NOW?!" What a terribly vague question. It would be more direct if we just said what we really meant and asked one another, "so how much closer are you to fuckin DYING, you dirty OLD bastard?!"

The truth is, even if I could "go back" to being younger, knowing what I know now, I don't think I would. All of the experiences that I went through, some (really) good and some (really) bad, have made me the person that I am today, and I've decided to just go with it. I know who I am now, and I could not have said that a few years ago. I like who I am, and when I do find something about myself that I don't like, I work on it. It's not complicated. Besides, I got carded at Target last year while trying to buy a video game, so I can't look that old, right? (*cough* *cough*)

I do understand, though, that I am in the minority. Some of you may feel as though you're aging rapidly on a drinking, smoking, partying, don't-know-what-the-hell-you-want-to-do-with-your-life runaway freight train. Have no fear, Uncle 30sInProgress is here to calm your fears, and he presents to you the following (proven) pathways to immortality:

1. Find the fountain that Tuck everlasting has been hording for all these years. What a selfish bastard. I've read the book 9 times, and I still can't figure out which GD forest they're talking about.
2. Sleep with Bubbles and MJ in their hyperbolic chamber. Just remember to bring MJ a lollipop when you go visit.
   
3. Freeze yourself next to Walt Disney each winter. I think he's buried somewhere under the It's a Small World ride. Good luck with that shit. God, I hate that ride.
   
4. Live in outer space. Without gravity, your "junk" will not sag and/or drop as quickly.
5. Hang out at Mephisto's and City Club until you meet a vampire, then let them bite you.
   
6. This is too good to pass up, you HAVE to see this.

If you embark down any of those pathways, please let me know how it goes. For now, I'm just going to be the bore that I have always been, fighting off mortality with more conventional methods such as vitamins and exercise.

Oh, and yes, I AM turning 22 again this year.