Krispy Kream Barf

My car battery died yesterday, and I had a little time to kill while it was being serviced, so I decided to run across the street to the Krispy Kreme doughnut shop and put some food in mah belly. I had never been inside a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop. Never ever. In fact, I'm not sure that I had ever eaten one of their doughnuts until yesterday. Oh, dear lord. I had no idea what I was about to experience:

1. They do not sell anything that has any food value. Nothing. Just doughnuts. Lots and lots of doughnuts.
   
2. Their doughnuts are manufactured on an openly-viewable assembly line of grotesque and gooey death. One cannot gaze directly upon the conveyor of dough, frying oils and sugary glazes for too long, else one may go blind (if you don't believe me, try it).
3. The smell of gooey death is thick and detectable from miles around, and can induce instantaneous vomiting on warm days, if you're not hydrated properly.
4. Krispy Kreme employees do not have the mental capacity necessary for returning the shop's tables and chairs back into place after mopping the floor. "How did we end up with an extra table?" Rocket scientists need not apply.
5. If you can eat more than one Krispy Kreme doughnut within a week's time, there is something very wrong with you.
6. The hats are awesome, and free. And so, if you're going to eat a Krispy Kreme doughnut and then barf it up (because that is the only way to eat one), then at least wear the hat and look good while you're doing it.