Not-So-Secret Secrets to a healthy life

First, let me start by putting your fears to rest... no animals were harmed during the imaginary scientific study that I conducted while writing this blog entry. Although, a few fat/lazy people's feelings were hurt, and for that, I apologize.

Now, onto the business at hand. Following along with the idea started over here, that our fair city needs a kick in its rather plump and unhealthy arse, I have created a short list of "suggestions" for everyone who values their health... or just for those of us who don't want to lose our teeth and wear diapers again before our time comes. I'm going to do my blogging best to not preach at you, but if it comes off that way, then you'll just have to deal with it.

Don't expect me to convince you with some profound argument that will enlighten and lead you to a better way of living, because that's all on you. If you need someone else to explain to you why your own health is important, then you've got some other, more serious issues to deal with first. I will say this, though, if you simply allow yourself to be educated on the matter, the facts will speak for themselves, and the mystery will be revealed.

Ok, it's time to do this... so drop your pants, bend over, turn your head away, do whatever you have to do, because this ain't gonna be pretty... I now present to you:

The [30sInProgress] Top 10 Not-So-Secret Secrets to Living a Healthy Life

1. Educate yourself. I believe that ignorance is the key to living a short and unhappy life, especially when it comes to one's own health. Even though I do know what I'm talking about a little bit, for shit's sake, don't just take my word for it. Listen to other people, ask questions, talk to your doctor (unless he/she is an f'n quack like mine), look at your older family members and ask them about their healthy/unhealthy lifestyle, talk to your friends, take a class, read a book, subscribe to a magazine, try something new, and then formulate your OWN educated opinions on the matter. And no, you're not "too busy." I mean, how can anyone be too busy for themselves?! You can start by going here, here, or maybe even here.

2. Drink more water. Yeah, it seems like common sense, but this cannot be stressed enough. Proper hydration is of paramount importance to all of our body's functions. So quit whining, and drink up, bitch! Gatorade, soda, and sugary juices do not really count, by the way, because by the time they're loaded up with sodium (salt) and high fructose corn syrup (sugar), they barely resemble anything of food value. If you drink coffee, tea, or any other caffeinated beverage, keep in mind that you will need to drink even more water because caffeine (and obviously alcohol) is actually quite efficient at removing water from the body. I'm not saying that you need to run out and buy 92 cases of bottle water, though, because the tap water in our state appears to be held to relatively high standards. If you want to do it the right way, and save money in the long run, you can get a filter for added peace of mind. Oh, and if you're carrying around a plastic water bottle, like I am, also remember that you need to wash it out with soap and hot water every day... unless you like to eat fecal bacteria, that is!

3. Exercise your brain. Did you know that we can form new brain cells? No, I'm not shitting you. Your brain can actually grow and become stronger, if you treat it right. Don't be complacent, instead, continue to challenge yourself; read a book, learn to speak another language, join a club/group of people who share an interest or hobby of yours... no matter how "geeky" it may seem. And don't forget to spend time in your own thoughts, like the man said. We live our lives amidst a constant bombardment of distractions, making it difficult to find the time to think... and that is exactly why we must make the time to do it. A simple way to find your thoughts, is to retreat to a comfortable place where you cannot be interrupted, and just sit there in your own silence for 5 minutes. It ain't easy, trust me, but it's surprisingly refreshing. I double-dog-DARE you to try it. While you're doing this, you must control your breathing (there are many methods, though they're all basically the same), that is the key. I'm not talking about becoming a Buddhist monk that meditates all damn day, I'm simply talking about putting yourself and your own thoughts first, as it should be.

4. Exercise your body. Do I REALLY have to explain this one to you? Physical exercise makes everything about your body work better, feel better, and look better... for longer. Done. Do it.

5. Eat foods rich in antioxidants. This one is simple. Our bodies are bombarded by a whole lot of bad shit, all day, every day. Our immune systems keeps all of this "bad shit" from killing us. Antioxidants help our body's defenses (the underrated immune system) keep us alive. How do we get these antioxidants? No problem, just eat fruits and vegetables. Lots of them. More than anything else you eat. Generally speaking, the darker the color of the fruit or veggie, the more loaded it is with good shit. If you're curious, here are the some of the best fruits... and the best veggies.

6. Take a multivitamin. Unless you're a stinky, unshaven, earthy freak who grows all of your own natural foods and eats a perfectly balanced diet, you really should add a good multivitamin to your daily routine. No matter how hard we try, we are not going to get all of the essential vitamins and minerals that our body needs. A simple daily vitamin will help to supplement (not replace) some of those holes in your diet. Think of it as an insurance policy... for your ASS.

8. Avoid processed foods. Processed foods are those that have been altered from their natural state for any number of reasons, including for convenience and taste. Yeah, I know, it's impossible to "avoid" processed foods, but I can give you a few tips so that you can make better choices the next time you're at the grocery store. 1 - Replace the cooking oils in your kitchen with extra virgin olive oil, most of the other oils are bad for you in many ways. 2 - If you see "partially-hydrogenated" in the list of ingredients, it's probably going to taste good, but it will also promote changes in cell membranes throughout your body (sorry to get technical on your ass) that could lead to heart problems, weight gain, faster aging, and even cancer. These "trans-fats" do just that, transform you into a fatty. 4 - Continuing on the idea... use real butter instead of margarine 4 - If you can't buy/cook with fresh food all the time (and who can), avoid canned foods and go for the frozen version. Canned food often have more additives, including lots of salt. 5 - Buy locally-grown, natural foods (Eastern Market, anyone?). 6 - OMG this could go on forever, just limit the amount of "packaged foods" that you consume, avoid eating things that have ingredients that you can't pronounce, and you'll live forever. Good enough?

8. Everything else in moderation. Sure, we all have our weaknesses, and we all love to be lazy. So go eat that bag of chips, or that giant chocolate bar, or skip your exercise routine for the day. Being healthy is NOT about following a list of "Do's and Don'ts." It's about feeling better and enjoying your life. If you like to do some bad shit, then do it, just do it in moderation. Unless that bad shit is smoking, snorting coke (yumm), or doing under-aged hookers... in those cases, all that I can say, is "good luck."

9. Let go. This one is the most simple to understand, but it may also be the most difficult to follow through on. Admittedly, I have a difficult time with this one, myself, but it's a skill that takes time to learn. The general idea is to worry about only the things that you can control, and to let go of the rest. If you find yourself in a difficult situation at work, or in a relationship, for example, it is important to take action and attempt to make the situation better... but there's also a point when you've done all that you can do, and you need to accept the outcomes and move forward from there. I could write 9 pages about this concept, but I must instead encourage you to investigate this idea on your own. It can be a very liberating feeling, and one in which many people attribute to being on the path to (omg don't say it), happiness? As a part of this, it doesn't hurt to be optimistic, as well. There seems to be a new study coming out every few months about how positive thinkers live healthier lives. Mind over matter, indeed.

10. Last but certainly not least, fuck more! Hey, even WebMD agrees, so who are we to argue, eh? Sex burns calories, strengthens our heart, eases our mind of stress, and helps us bond with our partners. So do it.... like a bunch of drunk, horny monkeys in the jungle.

Much of what I know about health has come from very personal experience, and I can tell you that this shit does help. 100%. However, this list was by no means intended to be complete, ground-breaking... or even organized very well (I got tired and had to stop typing!), but I do hope that you found some value in my words and the links provided.

Your comments are welcome. Until next time, kids, be safe.