The VP (turd) debates

Did you watch the VP debate last night? Wow, right? I would have to say, that was the most glamorous display of two giant, steaming turd-piles that I've seen in a while. Really, in a country of 300 million people, these are the two most qualified running mates that McCain and Obama could find?! Here are a few post-debate observations (criticisms) for each of the turd-piles:

Senator Joe (Boom-Boom) Biden:

• Dude. You should have whooped that inexperienced, needle-nosed, self-righteous, self-inflating woman's ass in the debate. But no, you didn't whoop her ass, because you're a freakin WUSS. She gave you countless opportunities to point out the fact that was doing nothing more than reciting a pre-made list that Grandpa McCain had give her to memorize.
• I know that Bush's policies were bad for this country. Everyone knows that. Even George Bush knows that. It wasn't necessary to begin every one of your answers with a reminder of that. Yes, I know you were trying to connect McCain with Bush, and you did that. But after the 9th time, I started to become extremely annoyed and felt talked-down to. Thanks.
• I didn't know about the tragic events that endured with your family... I'm truly sorry. But the way you brought that into the debates looked like a search for sympathy, not empathy. Big difference.
• You started strong, and finished weak. Was it past your bedtime? Couldn't you have slipped a Red Bull behind that podium, or something? Common man, you were even slurring your words together at the end, and Palin was making you look OLD.
• I will say this, though, you did your homework and brought facts to back up many of your arguments. I appreciated that. Unfortunaley, no one told you that you could have just gotten away with LOUD talking instead of bothering with the presentation of facts and research (Palin knew).
• Yes, she's an attractive woman (until she opens her mouth, or course), but that didn't mean that you couldn't have smacked her around in the debate ring just a bit. Jeez man, she was begging for you to do it. Didn't you see how nervous she was when the debate started? Didn't you see her interview with Katie Couric last week? The America people don't want nice, and they don't require facts, they want "I knew Jack Kennedy, and you sir, are no Jack Kennedy!" THAT is what wins elections, my man. Sad, but true.
• Having said all that, I did feel like you came off as a trustworthy man with experience, conviction, and progressive values.

Govenor (Peppermint Patty) Palin:

• Was I the only person watching, who noticed that you never answered a single follow-up question?! You trick was to to ask yourself a question, and then answer your own question, instead of the moderator's question. Very clever (and childish). Did Grandpa McCain forget to mention that you might actually have to think on your feet during the debate, instead of just deflecting every other question so you could repeat the same shit that you said 2 minutes ago? That drove me CRAZY! For example, Biden answered the "Achilles heal" question with humility and honesty, siting a very specific example from his career. You, on the other hand, didn't even acknowledge the question and just started rambling off lines from your exaggerated resume, for the 22nd time. How did you get away with that crap? How did the moderator let you get away with that? More importantly, how did Biden let you get away with that?!
• You are a child when it comes to environmental issues, and you have NO excuse, coming from ALASKA. I want to punch you in the face for being so ignorant. If you say "drill baby drill", one, more, time... I SWEAR TO GOD I will find you and punch you in the face. (Where are you campaigning today? Texas... I'm listening, I will fly down there...) If you went to the doctor with a severed limb, and he handed you a Spider-Man band-aid, would you consider that good hospital policy?! Suggesting drilling as a solution is nothing more than a demonstration of your short-sightedness and vomit-inducing ignorance.
• You are scared shitless of gay people. You tried to cover it up, but... yeah, not so much. It's OK to admit it, no gay people are going to show up at your house and kidnap you, then burn down your church, even though you ask for it sometimes. And don't give me that line about "I have friends of many different backgrounds and orientations." Blah blah, shut your face. No you DO NOT have gay friends, because they hate people like you who use buzz words like "family values" to cover up their own intolerance.
• Honestly, I really do wish you weren't a narrow-minded, delusional, ultra-conservative with twisted values and backwards-thinking policies, because I admire your fearless passion.

Ah, damnit, I should have gotten into politcs.