Anytime I say that, though, I always DO ask. So here's my question; what are women like in the lady's room?
WAIT. No. Poor choice of words.
I don't mean it like that, I mean, I'm not... you know... weird. In fact, I don't really want to know the full answer to that question. The reason that I was asking, however, is simple. Men are swine, as you know, and nowhere is it more evident than in a public restroom. And so, I am wondering if this is simply a guy thing, or do women also fall prey to (what I like to call) "the public bathroom condition?"
Guys turn into complete, full-on, dirt-ball ass-bags as soon as they set foot into a public restroom. It is as if our ability to behave with tact and manners is collected at the door, and only returned to us on our way out, after we have done something completely disgusting. Why do guys turn into poo-smearing (gross), racially-insensitive-joke-writing, non-flushing, wall-peeing, paper-towel-wasting children every time we use the men's room?
It is an honest question, and one for which I have a theory. The men's room is a safe haven. Since we don't look each other in the eye, and also since there are no women around, we feel as though we are completely anonymous and unnacountable. No one knows who we are, other than the scarred, wet walls of ceramic tile, and they don't talk much. It is there, and only there (oh wait, almost forgot about strip clubs), that we are are free to be the mindless animals that we truly are. I work at a community college, and I must say, other than homeless people, 18 year old kids are the WORST men's room abusers. Here are just a few suggestions that I have for my fellow men (swine):
- Beyond the age of 10, you should not have to use the stall to take a leak. Man up and handle the urinal. Besides, it uses less water (yes, I'm always mindful of being wasteful, call me names if you must), and there's no seat to sprinkle on.
- Do not ever, ever, EVER use the handicapper stall because you "like the extra room" for your fat, lazy ass. Imagine yourself in a wheelchair for 5 seconds, and then move over to the other stall.
- Washing your hands requires something called SOAP. I kept track one day... because I was bored and also because I'm insane... and I guesstimated that at least 3 out of 5 of guys do not wash up. Seriously.
- How much paper towel and toilet paper do you need, really? Is it a requirement to leave 5 feet of both on the floor when you're done? Don't be a freakin slob, that's what you have the bathroom in you mommy's basement for.
- Don't talk on your cell phone while you're taking a leak, or otherwise. No, wait, I take that back. Dudes who talk on the phone while taking a leak are hilarious. Just don't ever let your mother answer your phone.
- It is not necessary to moan, groan, whine, laugh, cry, or otherwise emote verbally while taking a leak or... you know. STOP it. Please. I'm begging you. Stop, stopstopstopstop.
Well, ladies, is it just as bad on the other side of the wall?
I always take paper towel to grasp the door handle on the way out of the restroom because you are right, about half of guys dont wash their hands, can you imagine all the stuff that's on the doorhandle?
ReplyDeleteJRD
First of all, I need you to rethink your "black background, white text" set-up....my eyes are bugging out after reading your post...it could be the pregnancy, but honestly, I just don't think eyes adjust well to it. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteNext, ladies rooms are just as filthy as mens rooms in many circumstances. On Wednesday I was in the bathroom at my dance studio and it was near the end of the day, there was toilet paper on the floor of every stall, soap all over the countertops and on the floor, water everywhere, no paper towel in the dispenser, but plenty stacked up and soaking wet on the counter, and of course the overflowing "lunch boxes" in the stalls (something the men's room DOESN'T have) ....all that in a BALLET STUDIO...so much for beauty and grace!