Roller derby in your face

Have you been to a Roller Derby match at the Masonic Temple? No? You should go. Nothing else quite like it around. Get your tickets early because they always sell out. Watching chicks roller-skating and kicking the crap out of each other is a good time. I can't tell you much more about it, though, because I was lucky enough to steal a press pass and take pictures for The Detroiter. When I'm taking pictures, I find it nearly impossible to actually follow whatever I'm photographing. Something to do with the way the brain works, or, at least, MY brain. Ah well. Here are a few pics (my flash crapped out on me, so my pictures ended up being total crap... thank goodness for post processing and the "gritty" look!).

Saint Patty's Parade

The luck of the Irish was with me as I captured this image of a young man looking on, as a big-ass tractor-thing rolls through the Saint Patty's Parade in Corktown (for more pics, go here):

Jay Leno, Detroit HATES YOU!

Is our city going to recover? In a word: No. Not anytime soon.

For one thing, most of the people who live in the city, don't give a shit about the city (or, at least, they don't do anything about it). The few that DO care, may simply be too few to affect change. For example, only about 10% of the damn people in the city voted in the mayoral primaries!

Here's more proof of the apocalypse:

http://www.clickondetroit.com/video/18900540/

Speaking of the apocalypse... can't we arrange some kind of natural disaster, that will wipe the city clean, so that we can just start over? What about the Detroit River, can we build a dam and flood the streets? You know... just long enough to wash away every elected official (including the entire public school council)? That would also take the pee smell out of some of the alleys, which would be an added bonus!

How, in holy hell, do people like THAT get elected to the city council?! Apparently, beggars CAN be choosers within the city limits. That's news to me. If I were Jay Leno, I tell our city to screw off. Seriously. Why even bother?

Reporter - "You do know, they have the Final Four the night before at Ford Field?"
Dumb b on city council - "I don't know... what's going on. Whatever it is, we need to have Jay Leno make the commitment to play Detroit, whenever it is."

Reporter - "Now, you realize that [even] if he IS in Detroit, you can't go, though?"
Dumb b on city council - "Why not?"
Reporter - "Because you're not unemployed!"
Dumb b on city council- "Well, yes I am. In a way. I usually dance in the street."
Reporter - "The rules are; you have to unemployed to attend the concert."
Dumb b on city council - "I'm unemployed right now. I have two jobs. There's nuttin wrong with hustling."
Reporter - "Heheheh. Oooook."

Oh. My God. The veins in my forehead just burst all over the wall. Shoot me. In. The. Face. Detroit City Council, I hate you. I mean that in all sincerity. You are part of the problem, not part of the solution. QUIT BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE and use your brain.

I need to punch a baby or a puppy I'm so pissed right now... please keep all small, defenseless creatures away from me until I cool down...

The immortal wristband

Yes, everyone's written on the gynormous display of local indie music that was the Hamtramck Blowout. If you missed it, you... blow. For an official explanation of the event, go here, or go here for the unnoficial (real) story. I'm not going to re-hash was has been said. Instead, I'm going to talk about the wristband.

If you attend the entire 4-day fantastical extravaganza, you will have worn the same, non-removable, overly-tight, flesh-scraping wristband for that entire 100 hour perdiod. I actually wore mine even longer, just because I could. My wristband endured at least 10 different venues, 6 or 7 showers (pass the GODDAMN smoking ban and I could cut that number in half), 1 indoor soccer game, 1 baby shower, and 1 very important presentation at work.

When I finally cut the band off my wrist on Sunday evening, I felt as though I was cutting off a piece of myself. And now it just sits here, on my computer desk, motionless, sad, severed... and a reminder of the good times had in Ham-town. See you there next year.

Do not step on the wood chips

I spent Saturday with the dogs.

Thousands of dogs and "dog people" descended upon Cobo Hall this past weekend for the Detroit Kennel Club's 90th annual dog show. It was a grand, face-lickin', ass-smelling, leg-peeing, barking good time. For more on the experience and additional photos, read my report over on the mother station.

Images from the event:




And finally, proof that I was in fact raised by dogs:

Drink up till 4am, bitch!

I'm sure you've heard by now, but just in case you haven't... read this, or this, or this... or just Google the damn thing.

Our fair Governor is attempting to pass a law that would allow local "establishments" to serve liquor until 4am, and allow sales of liquor on Sundays at 7am, extending from the previous time constraints of 2am and 12noon, respectively. This would supposedly bring an extra 13.7 million to the cash-strapped goverment from an increased sale of liquor licenses.

Sure, it's a hot debate, and there are numerous pros/cons to argue. Here's my take on the situation:

1 - All of the jagasses who were causing trouble in the bars at 2am, are still going to cause trouble at 4am. No more, no less. Good people are good, and bad people are bad. An extra 2 hours of drinking time is not going to magically produce a whole new population of ingrates, drunkards, and shit-starters. And anyone who thinks otherwise is simply out of touch with human nature.

2 - If the state's alcoholics would like to help pay for government initiatives that are in dire need of money, such as road repair, education, and oh, I dunno, hiring more than 1 policeman and 1 fireman per city, then I'm all for it. I've never had any problem with sin taxes, and I have no problem with this. The only thing that hasn't been outlined in detail, though, is exactly how the government would use the extra revenue generated from the sales of licenses... so that needs to be determined.

3 - The idea of making it easier for people to get alcohol on Sunday morning, so they can show up to church blitzed, is worth my vote all by itself!

4 - If you're worried about your son's and daughter's safety, thinking there will be more drunk drivers on the roads, then see #1 from above, teach your kids about responsible drinking, teach them to drive defensively, and just keep them off the damn roads altogether at 4am.

5 - This proposed law is great and all, and I hope it passes and brings a few extra dollars into our economy. But instead, how about you assholes in Lansing get off your assholes, and pass the only law that f'n matters, the GD M'Fn smoking ban!! I swear to holy jeebus that I'm this close to moving out of this damn state for that reason alone. I've been coughing up a lung all week from the damage my asthma suffered the last few weekends while out at local bars and restaurants. I've just about had it. But I digress.

So, what do you think?

Stop blogging!

I've spent the last week sketching and brainstorming and writing down ideas for a photography blog. If I do it, I want to do it right, right? As you know, the first step is to come up with a name. The name is important. In fact, I've come up with a whole crap-load of names... but apparently I'm not creative enough, because EVERY GD NAME I have tried has already been taken! Half of the names that I want, are just in the URL, and not even mentioned or used in the title of the damn blogs that are hording them.

I really wish there was a Polish Maffia, because I would send them after these yahoos that are stealing all the good names.

Blogs actually began a decade ago, with sites like OpenDiary and LiveJournal, and eventually mutated into monsters that we know and love today, such as WordPress and Blogger (and 92 others who are trying to ride the wave). I spent a few minutes (OK, 1 minute) searching for the actual number of blogs that exist today. At my best estimation, there are... TOO MANY. By the time you read this, I would guess there have to be over 200 million, and counting.